My second time in rehab:

Hi Everybody,

This is a non-fiction story. My first posted story. It’s the story of how my fiance seablackwithink and I met. So if you like a good romance, and sweetness read on. I’m positive that our story is film material. Not only film material but material for a great movie experience that isn’t the same old love story.

My second time in rehab:

Ok, lets go way back to the last week of December. 2011. I was on my monthly, 3 days without sleep or food  Adderall binge. My binge was always 3 days during which I would ingest 40 of the 30mg pills. I would play DjHero 1&2 for about 15 hours then listen to music and sketch things that scare me when I look at them sober. Then during the come down I would surf the internet,(yes i said “surf the internet”.), til I finally went to one of my favorite electronic musician’s (symbion project) website. That’s when I heard a most beautiiful song of his I hadn’t heard yet. I was completely hypnotized by the hauntingly wonderful sounds I was hearing. So melancholy, yet so uplifting. the song was “Like one returning from the waves”. It made me think of the extent my addiction had grown. The song spoke to me strongly. I cried, made up my mind, and called a drug rehabilitation facility in Florida.  A few days later I was on a plane heading to a rehab that was featured on a show about addiction. Awesome, right? I get to skip a month of winter, and pretty much be on vacation. Was I wrong? Yes… Yes I was. There is a ton of paperwork in a 12 step program. Ok, Lets skip to the last week of rehab. I walk into the office and see this beautiful, cutie sitting in the waiting area. I’m a bit shy so I sneaked some peeks using my powers of peripheral vision.  I went on doing what I was doing. That week I was community leader, and it was my job to welcome all the new comers. So I introduced myself and asked “how you feeling? Settling in ok?”. Things of that nature.   That’s when I met the best person I’ve ever had the great pleasure of meeting.  Seablackwithink, yes, yes, yes.  Later that evening a few of us were talking about God and i threw in some physics. That’s when she came over to join in. Once she and I started talking everything & everyone melted away.  We talked about many things. God, Physics, Music.  We played each other songs from our ipods and kept talking. The techs had to send us to bed way after lights out. We both knew something different and special had occurred.  Due to the fact that she had been sent to the wrong facility we only spent approximately 8 hours together, if that.  The next day we talked until she was moved to another facility. We spent the entire time talking. I got her contact info, carried some of her stuff to the van, and hugged her for the 1000th time that day. Then she was gone. She was all i could think about.

I completed my program at the facility a few days later and was picked up by my ex-wife/ex-girl friend. I know it sounds bad. Yes I was with someone, but it was a dead relationship. If you do beat a dead horse, you’ll have to give it up sooner or later. So we went to Disneyworld which I think sucks. I prefer Universal or Islands of Adventure. Anyway My ex was super jealous of any female friends I ever had. So anyway skip to March 2011. I knew Seablackwithink was out of rehab, so I called her and left a message, she called back my phone was off, then I called on break and we talked. It was great to hear her voice again. I wanted to hug her, hold her, and kiss her so bad. Sadly I was in NJ and she in TX. We began texting constantly. Telling each other how strongly we felt about one another and planned on discussing plans for me to move the the big old lone star state so we could be together. Well that plan had the biggest monkey wrench you could possible imagine thrown straight into it. My ex somehow hacked my email, and somehow unlocked my phone and saw things she didn’t want to see. In a dead sleep I was awakened by a screaming banshee who was beating her fist on the bed and my feet. I played dumb at first then I flipped out and denied, denied, denied.  I said things to seablackwithink that I regreted immediately and still regret. Pretty much I was being a big fat, stinky, pussy. I denied someone I knew deep down I loved and wanted to be with. I felt like a Judas, betraying seablack’s heart and my heart.  I didn’t really care about my ex, but with all the things I’d done to her in the 12 years (on and off), I guess i felt like I owed her something. From that day forth she knew I didn’t love her and vice versa. We we’re roommates. The main reason I let her move back in my apartment while I was in rehab was so when I got back I had somebody to help pay bills. I knew I would relapse and it’s a lot easier to party when someone helps with the bills.

Ok, moving on. In between March 2011 and July 2013, all I could think about was Seablack. I’m talking losing night after night of sleep, depression, and increased drug use. I lost my job and finally ended it with the ex with the heart of a grudge holding troll, and moved in with my parents, which is terrible at any age much less so at 31. I would get wasted and go to my email contacts and look at seablackwithinks picture. I felt like she was looking right through me, like she was saying, “You asshole.” Which as it turned out was just how I thought of myself for what I did. One night in July, my nuts finally descended and I said “Fuck it!”. I sent her an email apologizing for denying her and turning my back on her. She responded and said she forgave me right after it happened. This was a shock to me. Never have I met someone so forgiving and understanding. I told her that I never stopped thinking of her, let her know I had no expectations. We began emailing once she saw my intentions were good and that I was single and there would be nothing in the way should we decide to start over. We emailed and emailed. Sent each other songs that reminded us of one another. When we spoke on the phone we asked each other what we wanted to do. Thank the universe we were on the same page. We decided I’d move to TX, we got a plane ticket and on July 30th I landed in TX. I landed into the arms of the first person I ever truly loved. From the past I learned how not to love someone and what love isn’t. From my lovely fiance I’ve learned what it means to actually love someone. Now it’s October 1st, we’re engaged and i’ve never loved or felt love like what she and I have.  And I think of that song. The song that changed two peoples lives in such a profound way, that I had to write our story and include the importance of the role Symbion Project’s ” Like One Returning From The Waves” played in bringing us together.

 

Thanks to my Babygirl seablackwithink for everything and most of all for loving me in such a way I’ve never experienced.

Thanks to Kasson(Symbion Project) for writing “Like One Returning From The Waves”, and everything else you’ve written.

http://www.symbionproject.com/

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19 responses to “My second time in rehab:

  1. sitting here beside you as you rub my back with tears welling up..happy…ecstatically happy tear. I love you so infinetly much…things happened just how the universe intended…who would have thought we would ever say “thank you rehab”
    but i’ll say it
    thank you rehab
    thank you blake for the plane ticket
    thank you jason silva
    thank you Kasson aka symbionproject
    thank you etgar karat for writing wristcutters
    thank you most of all Liquid Poet for recording this…This is it…just this
    i love you to no end…always forever eternally.

    • Just think, I was almost talked out of going to rehab by a co-worker who told me to save it for a real emergency. I told him thanks but it is an emergency. I followed a feeling, gut instinct, and the seed planted by symbion’s song. I’m also thankful that you were sent to the wrong facility. It would have been great if i just got there and you stayed. We would have had a great time together, riding the druggy buggy sitting nice and close sharing the beats on the Beats. But most of all i’m thankful, grateful, and appreciative to the entire existence of everything that, here, right now, I can send you this comment by your side and kiss and touch you whenever I want. I love you Deirdre!

      • The universe mapped that out for us…there is no doubt things were planned exactly. .well layed plans…for the first time in life…I look forward to the future. ..our future..and KFV:) LOVE you eternally.

      • Yes indeed my lady, my honeybaby, my sweetness. I too look forward to our future together and KFV. Also look forward to working at creating KFV. 😉

      • honesty, trust, communication and loving kindness….outside of mortality issues as long as we hold true to these we will last an eternity.
        you are it.
        period.
        to quote thom yorke “you’re all i need”
        I love you …those words don’t do justice to the feelings I have for you.

      • I feel the same exact way. There aren’t words in existence to to describe how I feel about you. But that won’t keep me from trying to explain how much you mean to me.

  2. That’s a good story. Been on those binges, so I know how hard they are to give up – I used to do that with my Ritalin, but I’ve had A. as well and I think we all know it’s much better for your heart to be off the sauce and truly in love; kudos to you and your lovely fiancée. 😉

    • Thanks dude. I’m not going to lie. I relapsed heavily. Got caught up in the diesel for a few months. But now I drink and dabble a little with certain things but nothing heavy. Astonishingly I learned the definition of “moderation”. Definitely no more speed. Again I won’t lie, It’s been a long time since I shroomed but I believe in their shamanistic powers. But that’s a whole different story. One of these days I’m going to post My Matrix trip I had on my 19th b-day. It’s hilarious. I actually traveled time a year into the future in my mind. Think I should post the whole story? lol

  3. been there

    the fact we can open our veins, bleed onto the page, and show our strength to the world means we’re going to be okay, whatever that means.

    thank you for letting me read this

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